Understanding Why Students Turn Everything Into a Competition

If you’ve ever watched a student bolt to the front of the line before “Line up!” is even fully out of the teacher’s mouth or witnessed a once-peaceful lunch turn into the Great Milk Carton Olympics of 2025, you’re not alone.

It feels like competition pops up everywhere in schools:
Who got there first?
Who told the funniest joke?
Who has the most of something?
Who gets noticed the fastest?

No one says “Let’s compete!” It just happens. Instantly. Intensely. Every. Single. Day.

But here’s the thing we don’t talk about enough…

The Scoreboard Brain: Why Students Compete Without Even Thinking

Humans are wired for belonging.
And in school, belonging becomes performance.

Every: Laugh, like, shout, flip, wink, side-eye…

…feeds a mental scoreboard that never turns off.

Kids aren’t chasing ego. They’re chasing proof that they matter.

Winning = I exist.
Being chosen = I belong.
Being seen = I’m safe.

That hit of significance? It’s dopamine – a literal chemical survival boost.

The tricky part? Teachers and adults often mistake it for showing off, meanness, aggression, or arrogance. When many times it’s anxiety wearing confidence as a costume.

From Little Kids to Big Feelings

Even our smallest learners show signs of it: “I’m first!!!” “I did it!!!” “Watch me!!!”

In early childhood, being first feels like competence… by adolescence, being first feels like identity. That shift changes everything.

When peers are watching Silence feels risk Rest feels like falling behin Stillness feels invisible. So students fight to stay seen and competition becomes survival.

We’re Not Immune Either

Ever sat in a staff meeting and secretly tracked who gets praised? Who gets attention? Who is recognized?

Yep. Adults do it too (sometimes louder).

And when winning = worth? We all end up exhausted.

What If School Didn’t Require Performing to Belong?

What if…
… success could be quiet and still count?
… recognition wasn’t the only form of validation?
… trying again mattered more than being first?

Kids don’t need us to remove the competition. They need help rewriting what winning means.

Helping Students Step Off the Scoreboard

Here’s the heart of it: students don’t need help caring less. They need help caring differently.

Someday they won’t remember who won the milk carton flip tournament… but they will remember whether school felt like:

A place where they had to perform
OR
A place where they mattered just by existing

And WE get to help build the second one.

Want to go deeper?

This conversation continues on this week’s episode School for School Counselors Podcast.
If you’re craving more clarity, strategies, and real-talk support — grab your earbuds and join us there.
You deserve a space where you don’t have to compete either. ❤️

Before You Go…
If this reflection resonated with you, remember you don’t have to navigate the demands of school counseling alone. The School for School Counselors Hub offers practical tools and training to support your work, the weekly S4SC Podcast brings encouragement and clarity to real-world challenges, and our Mastermind community gives you a space to connect, collaborate, and grow alongside counselors who truly get it. We’d love for you to join us as you continue building a healthier, more sustainable practice.